"More economically anxious and lonelier than ever, Americans are increasingly returning to movie theaters in hopes of catching the ending before the mass shooting starts. The Onion highlights the most-anticipated films of summer 2023.
Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning Part One: Tom Cruise's latest failed suicide attempt hits theaters July 12.
Elemental: It's Pixar. Take your kids. Probably end up crying yourself. You know the deal.
Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse: With its flashy visuals and state-of-the-art sound effects, this Spider-Verse sequel is the first movie that legally qualifies as a slot machine.
About My Father: Your annual reminder that Robert De Niro is still alive.
Barbie: This three-and-a-half-hour lecture by spandex-clad Scholar Barbie (Judith Butler) on digital intersectionality in fourth-wave feminism is already being touted as a huge summer hit."
Please, please wait until they have come out before you say you've watched them.
